There were a lot of things that happened today.
That makes me conclude that today was a day that worth living. A day that I want to remember, and remind myself that there’s day like this that I look forward to. It’s a day that’s have meanings, and although it’s not so big, I’m still proud of it.
I don’t exactly remember how it started, but here is the list of good thing that bring me great amazement
1. Ford vs Ferrari movie clips
Christian Bale’s acting was so captivated in the movie, but what was more impressive for me was how he transformed himself to fit the character of Ken Miles. He basically disciplined himself to not eat. For this purpose I grew to admire his dedication more. I think that nowadays forcing oneself to lose weight can be seen as a taboo, especially if it’s creating pressure on the model or the actor/actresses, but since Christian Bale put his mind into this movie so much, I looked at it as something only dedication can do. There’s a rush of motivation that run in me, as I thought it was the time to act on improvement again. And this time, I don’t want to give up half-way through.
2. Rerunning in the park
So I put on my cute sexy crop top, with a pair of Adidas legging that I really like, took a big gulp of water, and brought nothing along except my room key. After deciding that I would complete 5 laps around the park today, I swiftly headed to the entrance, and once I was outside, I immediately reached for the strong leaps. There’s a warm breeze, and there was an excitement. The night wasn’t so clear, but I could see some stars shining. My breathes weren’t so stable at first, so after the big leaps, I slowed down and walked my way around. As the pace was eased, I was concerned about being judged on the way I look, and the clothes that I was wearing. In fact, I can’t see anybody wearing the same pieces that I did, so it gave me a bit of self-conscious. However, gradually, I started to feel quite comfortable with it. Not just in the clothes (because it was already comfortable), but to be comfortable with the potential judges. I thought to myself, “Wait, what is the worst case? Would people actually come up to me and tell me in the face that what I wear is not appropriate?” Considered that might happened, but consider that to be the worst, I told myself there’s nothing to be worried about. Imagining how Beyonce would slay a concert, I thought to myself, “Screw this, you be you”. So I kept running, 1st lap, 2nd lap, that was good, keep going, 3rd lap, you are getting there, 4th lap, good job, you can do it, and Bamm! On the 5th lap, I pulled my full effort for the first half, and not gonna lie, that was liberating.
But as soon as I was in the middle of the route, my lung was literally screaming, and I wanted to slow down the pace a bit. However, As I slow down, I saw a girl who I knew ran passed me, with much higher speed. I thought to myself as “Oh well, she’s running, good for her” but at the same time, I started to divert. My eyes were fixed on her, because she was ahead of me, and my mind went “You need to reach the end before she does”, but it was too late, I was already left so far behind. I sprinted my legs off, but unfortunately, I couldn’t catch up. At the end, although I finished my aim for 5 laps, I was overwhelmingly disappointed at myself for two reasons: one is unabling to finish the lap faster than the girl, and the second is drifting focus off my initial goal. I thought to myself why would I do that. I thought that I should have not pay attention to things that distract me from achieving the goal, but at the end, I changed it all of the sudden, tried to rush forward and ended up not achieving that new goal instead. I kind of beating myself up a bit for some reasons. Teared up a bit, I dragged myself back to the apartment, feeling defeated. Across the hallway, one of the lady staff saw me walking in dead and drown in sweat (gross), but she was quite amazed (I was quarantined for 2 days and they thought I might be sick). Seeing her reaction lighted me up a bit, as it was funny and uplifting to see someone else not being bothered by my failure. I said good night to her, and walked myself to the elevator.
3. Calling my friend
I went to the room collapsed, but reached out to my phone as soon as I was on the floor, and shortly after, I was on the phone with one of my friends from high school. We had a nice chat about the summer, and planning to do something together outdoors. I missed having an uplift conversation with her, and we laughed a lot with a lot of jokes. It has been awhile since we both free and have time to spend time enjoying, and I’m glad I called back.
4. Talking about what’s going to be next
So as I became the Campus Director, I thought to myself, that I need to act quick on this matter. I don’t want to delay, because this was important to me, I signed up to it, and so I promised myself to execute swiftly to ensure that all the goals are met. After calling my friend, I walked down to the 2F hall again to get some drink, and on the way I met an old member of the previous year organizer of the competition, so we were able to have a nice chat about the event. I want to be more active regarding this, so I want to do more, be explorative, and have more fun achieving goals, like this.
5. The Bonding
Throw back to the afternoon of the day, I met Yu chan, one of my favorite person in the dorm. I asked her if she wanted to make spring rolls with me, which she gladly agreed, informing me that she would be joining another dining at a later time. When we saw each others, she asked if I wanted to come, and I’m glad she did. So instead of making spring rolls, I joined her group for a walk to the BBQ restaurant, and I thought it was a great meal for all of us. So I’m quite happy that I was able to make those kind of memories and experiences before leaving.
There are moments like this that makes me feel more alive, and more hopeful. Whatever the future holds, I want to never give up. Never give up on creating values, on making meanings, on delivering positive changes, and proving myself that I can achieve whatever goals that I want. Running again was a great breeze of air for me, after a long 6 months drowning in hopelessness, despair and anger. I want to make small changes, changes that I can take actions on, changes that I can see and feel, that the more of them, the better. I want to be more wholly, constructive, striving, and be a better version of myself everyday. I was striving to Be my Best, but then, I realized that I prefer having a steady road upward, rather than a race to the top and a drastic drop to the bottom. I guess everybody who have gone through that stage would know. But I mean, it’s great to go to the top, if you can see the next top.
Qbooz 