Someday I feels like it’s so silly being disconnected to the world. It’s a quiet town here and I would barely know anyone. The pandemic brings me this surreal situation, where everything that I am reading on the news now seems like an illusion, a far away land. Nothing seems real anymore for me. I don’t have the same problems, I don’t share the same space, and I don’t eat the same thing. It’s strange that in this utterly chaotic Internet, we are so isolated from everyone else.
My god, it’s strange, how I have not seen real human beings for a day and I am already feeling lost. I felt disconnected. I felt like regardless of how much likes and comments I have on Instagram, it would never be the same. The real human connections, sharing the same space, being in the same room, having the same meal, or laugh at the same time, used to be so overwhelming for me, yet now, I’m craving for it. Perhaps it wasn’t so true that my extrovert character sometimes come in the moment of silence, I crave for a conversation where I can see and observe them talking with wide arms open and charming perfumes. So much of our perception now is visual and vocal, that we could only see and hear but the rest of other senses are not needed anymore. Or perhaps the sense of a touch, the taste and the smell, isn’t that needed, and that’s one thing I feel so lack of right now.
Now I’m been sitting in front of my computer for as long as I can remember, trying to engage in my responsibilities of the online world, and wanting to fulfill my duties as required. I felt a little bit hopeless and helpless, like going through a deep tunnel, not so dark and not so boring, yet couldn’t see the end, and don’t know how long my fuel would last. Like, I am living in this constant uncertainty, knowing that I am lucky to have whatever I am having right now, but thinking a far without much of relief.
It’s perhaps the time for me to be patient but thinking about different options to continue this quest.