Clair De Lune

I felt a little bit empty at the moment. No one is around to tell me to go to sleep anyway, but even if there is a person who could tell me anything, I don’t think I would listen to.

This melody, the melody of grievance and hope, altogether, played so smoothly.

I realized that I would need to learn more through feedback loops.

But what I am learning at the moment? Why am I so afraid to take risk?

I realized that I had an emotional crash. I went so high and it all fell down so quick. I don’t know how to realize it, but what if we all just going to be where we are from the beginning?

I don’t really know.

There are so many things that I wanted to do, yet so limited of time.

What if, I know, how to live a life without regret.

Time is most precious one.

So honestly, you need to learn how to make the most out of it, and plan your life well.

You don’t want to sit here at 1:13 am and still having finished your homework yet right B?

But you know what’s worse? Not graduating Waseda and not finishing your diploma on time.

That’s the consequences, so you should double down your time usage in the next 7 days.

Increase your efficiency, and be ok to fail. Try your best B. It’s ok to fail. Again and again and it should be fine for you. The scars are more valuable than the bandage that you put on top.

You need to cut down time thinking about nonsense. You have to be strategic with your life and direction, B.

That’s one thing you can be better at in the future.

Oh, that’s great, you also realizing that you are getting worse at reflection right?

Interesting. Because you used to be great at that.

You used to be great at creativity and imagination B.

You used to be proud about that. Now where is it?

Are you afraid now? To be crazy and to be free?

Are you scared of judgements? Are you scared of what people are going to think of you? Are you scared of people’s perception and what they might say to you? That’s sad, and that’s weak.

You don’t, B. That’s not who you are. You are not scared of judgement. You are a perceiving person, and that doesn’t mean that you are scared of judgement. You can work with judgement and use it to your advantage. You can do better with being more receptive of judgement.

You will do better. And I know you are trying hard to stay within your principle, which is admirable.

It’s 15 days left of 2020 B. How this year ends, would actually matter a lot to how your next 5 years going to be like. Have you been able to learn anything new? Have you been able to make new friends? Have you been able to improve yourself? Have you been able to help others? How has you grown as a person? How has your relationship change? How are you with your own skill and field of interest?

Why playing this Clair De Lune melody, what comes to your mind?

A scene of my favorite place. I remembered the trees and the wind blowing through the blue sky. The breezing airs were there.

I wondered, what could have everything be like in the next couple of decades. Where would I be? Would I be somewhere else, or I would come back to full circle. I felt bad that now I don’t even have enough patience to finish one book, not to say one song.

My dad said he doesn’t have enough time, although he has already retired. I could already feel him. I’m concerned with my time, so much that I spent too much time on concerning about how I lack of time.

You have to be able to step outside of your room and see yourself from the eye of others, to see how you are doing, and see, maybe be appreciative of yourself and don’t be so hard on yourself.

But at the same time, what is that? Where does my adventure spirit go?

Honestly, I’m tired of being on computer all the time. For real.


Published by Igobiebb

B (Q.Trang) is a creative multipotentialite who has lived away from home since fourteen, currently living in Tokyo city. She loves writing, cooking, swimming, talking to people and chasing thrills.

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