Asking why nothing is moving in the direction that I “wish” for. Or maybe it’s because I’ve been “wishing” it’s not coming to reality yet.

Or am I merely wishing for it? It’s an incredibly odd situation. I felt like I have not been putting in enough effort, while at the same time, feel like constantly being burnt out. WAILF?

Direction is important. The magnitude is secondary to the direction. It doesn’t matter if you are moving in fast speed. If you are moving toward a wall that’s deadly. You should aim, and move toward something more purposeful. I’m hoping that I’m not fastening toward a wall, though this still sounds like an endless tunnel. There are so many things I can do, yet, I’m wondering, WHY AM I NOT DOING IT?

Somebody has taught me to enjoy the process regardless of the outcome. In order to be happy, yes, maybe that would help. But it’s tough to realize that happiness is not a constant value. It’s maybe that you have climbed up to the top and touch it and feel the moment of bliss, but then what’s next? There would always be the question of What’s next. Maybe I’m greedy, maybe I’m looking for something higher, maybe I’m comparing myself with others, maybe that because I’m still lying around in this abyss, maybe I was given another chance to live, and maybe I do have sometimes to really combat myself from the night falls until the sun rises.

Maybe someone can help telling me that I’m actually heading toward a wall or not. Am I? This dark and musky cloud isn’t so pleasant. I just really hope I’ll pass.