Philophobia

Sweat, blood and tears stained my shirt

Such a waste of time to have had waited for you

Why am I such a stupid jerk

I wanted to write you a letter. I wrote as I wanted. I wanted to call you past midnight. I called as I wanted. 

You neither pick up nor call back. Left me being unwanted. Shame on you. Shame on me. 

You wouldn’t know I cried. You wouldn’t care even if you know.

You wouldn’t be wondering why. You wouldn’t care even if you do.

You are so good at playing games. You wouldn’t care even if I do, too.

At the end I’m lost. Might be for you too. 

It’s fucking weird that I’m feeling intoxicated even without any intoxicant 

Probably you are my intoxicant. Didn’t want to be near yet couldn’t get rid of.

Or couldn’t get rid of without proper discipline.

Give mountain high then a valley of regret

Or maybe someone shall teach me how to love again

Or maybe not

Are we living in this fantasy

Comparing ourselves to other, forget the reality

I must be focus

Is that what you are saying to yourselves too?

You don’t have trust in love don’t you

You don’t trust me more than I trust you

But even me I also have doubt

I don’t know where we are at, why is it so hard to be decisive on this matter?

I hate emotions as much as I hate you

I kinda want to be heartless sometimes to ignore whatever you do

I need a block

Congratulations

You are enlisted into my blacklist

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