Aight, what’s next?

Hey, I’m hungry, and here is the late night ranting of B.

We have just finished a major event in the late November. I’m enjoying the result of it. It was something I have been wanting to do, and now that I have finished, there were a sense of satisfaction, but yet, it was something about it that I wasn’t fully satisfied.

I didn’t show up for Ms. Kobayashi. Lol

I wanted to send her an apology email, and want to get to know her more actually. I felt like I blew the opportunity off by not going, or not showing up, just because I was actually dead tired on bed that I wasn’t able to move (my lazy excuses). I thought for a moment that I was actually regretting it, and it’s lingering. I hate regret more than putting myself through hot water. I always hate it. The feeling of being undone, the feeling of indecisiveness that plagued my serenity and all.

Nonetheless, since yesterday I had a great rest. It wasn’t a productive day today, but I guess everybody was to be honest busy. I wanted people to pay more attention to my successful event, but I felt like it doesn’t have to be, until I broadcasted it. I can finally reassure myself that I don’t need instant validation from people anymore. It’s liberating, to push back the desire to be famous, and to be recognized.

I mean, I never aimed for it to begin with. It was more for the experience of sitting there in front of people, and not be afraid of making mistakes. Everybody does, even Lily Sigh (I was quite happy that I didn’t watched her backlash until I finished my section). Lily was great from the beginning, but now she is receiving undemanded criticism for being outdated and offensive. Who cares? Whoever can be benefited from putting people down and draw commercialized attention for it. Who cares? Me. Like me. Just random thoughts on the wall.

I should actually be studying financial management and STEM lol. Don’t you think? Stay humble, that’s the message. Even if Lily Sigh falls into the dead trap of being out of style, she rather keeps her head low and work on improving her content. Then she will come out stronger hopefully. I admire her initiative and outspoken style, and though I agree with some of her criticism, I do think there are space for growth, as much as she is willing to take in those harsh words.

I think it was great that people praise for it. But what I was more afraid of, is to look at what I have done and have an emotional attachment to it.

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