Watching the sky lit up for a while before going back to sleep

It’s 2:35 AM on the East coast of Japan – Tokyo. Incredible. I was thinking of going to bed, but then an idea sparked so I sat up straight again.

I remember yesterday I stayed awake until 4:00 AM in the morning. From the 19th floor of our dormitory, it was impossible to observe the sunrise (I was slightly jealous of those who had their rooms in the opposite…) but the changing in sky color… was breathtaking. The radiance started to color up so rapidly out of the darkness, that light shade of blue had been so fast, already entered and filled up the room. Far way, in the bokeh background and clear atmosphere of Friday morning, with minimum man-made noise, birds were singing cheerfully and my plants were refreshing their green. The bliss of early morning time was great, but I realized it was time for me to sleep. I crawled into my bed, felt the coziness and comfort of the fabric, and passed out until 10 AM.

Risking my health and my sleep again, I thought I have been extremely irresponsible with my physical health during the past few weeks. Lots of lots of wondering and time placed into the creative works.

Highlights? Making effort everyday and commit to my ultimate 3000 goal. I realize even country make goals to achieve them. That’s why it’s important to revisit goals and try our best to achieve it. My father said once: “You don’t make goals and let it sit elsewhere in the dust. You make goals because you know you will act on it regardless of what is in your way”.

And so far, most of the time, I can’t blame anyone rather than myself to stand in my way to success.

What are the things I have to change? I need constructive feedback. More than that, I need to voice my problem, and ask people questions, and refine them to something significant, something worth sharing.

There’s this dude who was a professional “Pick poker” gave a presentation on TED talk. He was skillful. He was really good at deceiving people. He was really good with playing with people attention. But instead being viewed as unwanted, his presentation was well received and appraised.

Recently I have been spending more time looking inward, and explore the visually creativity that I have long abandoned. Like so-called Monkey inside my brain took the wheel of decision making again, I felt I have put myself through arbitrary eating, mindless task completion, intense Internet surfing, and severely, all my disciplinary routines has magically disappeared. I didn’t really want to say I discard them, but it was my fault (without guilt) that I did not follow through.

But at the same time, that Monkey got hella bored. That’s all I’m saying. Even every piece of drawing are not the same, I’m out of mood. That was for sure, which is pretty bad. So my solution is, since I have commit to this, maybe I need cycle break. Tree doesn’t yield fruits all year long.

At the same time, I really want to have some partners. I’m not trying to ignore people online, but it’s tiring to deal with everything while nobody is offering you a solution. Yes, time is limited. I have to be wiser in term of using my very precious resources.

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